This is it...
I have to find a strategy that'll help me live a normal life again...
I'm locked in a closet and those who have the key aren't aware of it yet...
The problem with that closet is that for them it's the closet of shame, where they put all the things they don't wanna see, admit, or realize, all those things they prefer hidding forever instead of facing them and dealing with them
If i tell them, i don't know if they'll open it up and let me be free because not only is it the " closet of shame " but i'm " naked " in that closet : i have no artificial cover, i'm just my true self, totally... and coming out of it means coming out of it just as i am : " naked ", are those of who love me now gonna be proud of what they see if they open the closet ? are they gonna be able to be strong enough to get used to being seen in public with a " naked " man whose "nudity" is completely strange to them ? is the fact that i'm probably gonna be happy to be myself gonna be enough for them to be happy for me too ? Aren't they gonna be scared of me ? Are they going to understand that i'm not a monster, that i'm still a creature of god, that it's not exactly a choice i made ?
So many questions and absolutely, no answers, because only experience can give answers to such questions, but it's way too risky to try something when you're already 98% sure that it's gonna have a tragical ending....
Nobody ever comes down here in the dark, wet and cold basement, near the foundations of the house where this closet is, and when they ever do, they're always prepared for the worst. They have guns, knives, poison, and a phone to call 911 just in case.
So now i'm enjoying the few joys of being the only one knowing i'm locked in, and i'm pinching myself, covering my mouth, trying not to move, trying to make no noise, ... because they're here, they heard a noise in the closet but they're just not sure, next move i make.... i'm dead !
P.S : for those who hadn't understood, i'm a black male attracted to people of the same gender, wondering if i'll ever come out...
I'm locked in a closet and those who have the key aren't aware of it yet...
The problem with that closet is that for them it's the closet of shame, where they put all the things they don't wanna see, admit, or realize, all those things they prefer hidding forever instead of facing them and dealing with them
If i tell them, i don't know if they'll open it up and let me be free because not only is it the " closet of shame " but i'm " naked " in that closet : i have no artificial cover, i'm just my true self, totally... and coming out of it means coming out of it just as i am : " naked ", are those of who love me now gonna be proud of what they see if they open the closet ? are they gonna be able to be strong enough to get used to being seen in public with a " naked " man whose "nudity" is completely strange to them ? is the fact that i'm probably gonna be happy to be myself gonna be enough for them to be happy for me too ? Aren't they gonna be scared of me ? Are they going to understand that i'm not a monster, that i'm still a creature of god, that it's not exactly a choice i made ?
So many questions and absolutely, no answers, because only experience can give answers to such questions, but it's way too risky to try something when you're already 98% sure that it's gonna have a tragical ending....
Nobody ever comes down here in the dark, wet and cold basement, near the foundations of the house where this closet is, and when they ever do, they're always prepared for the worst. They have guns, knives, poison, and a phone to call 911 just in case.
So now i'm enjoying the few joys of being the only one knowing i'm locked in, and i'm pinching myself, covering my mouth, trying not to move, trying to make no noise, ... because they're here, they heard a noise in the closet but they're just not sure, next move i make.... i'm dead !
P.S : for those who hadn't understood, i'm a black male attracted to people of the same gender, wondering if i'll ever come out...
posted by Soldier at 4:22 a.m.
1 Comments:
Piercing,
I can definitely understand your place. Although, there is nothing that should ever hold you back from being that who you are.
Your sexuality is not your poster board. You are the carrier of your own life your sexuality is an ingredient to your make up.
You shouldn't have to hide something that is so much apart of you. No matter how you wear it it is always going to be there.
It takes time for us to be comfortable with garments. Only because we have to wear them but not cause we want them.
The difference about being Clothed at one point to being naked at another, is that you are always secure in what lies beneath.
The key to the closet that you live in may be obtained. You can do it without masking yourself.
Just remember who you are at all times. You are the only soul that matters.
As always in Parting,
I came in Peace and in Peace I leave.
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