Yep, that's me ! ( " Trop bon, trop con " )
" Talking to my friends, meeting them for dinner, that's me...Travelling around the world to visit family and friends, bringing them gifts, yep that's me...
Laughing all the time, making others laugh, that is also me...
Partying every weekend, discovering new clubs, restaurants, lounges and cocktails, that's definitely me...
Being passionate, considerate, loving and caring, that's also me...
Making sacrifices for the people who are close to me, it's hard but it's me...
Doing my best so that i never hurt them, i try, i try, it's me too...
Smoking outside on the balcony by myself at the end of fall ( when it's cold ) while everybody is inside partying, it's sad but it's me...
Not getting help when i need it the most, it's so shocking, people always assume that since it's me i'll always find a solution, is that me ?
Giving and not receiving as much as i give ( financially and emotionally ), it's disappointing, but well... still me
Ending up alone in my bed, angry, sad, it hurts so bad.... "
YES, all of the above... that WAS me
A few weeks ago ( back in august ), I realized that i was doing wayyyyyy too much for people.
I mean i was calling them, visiting them, sending them e-mails, helping them when they were in trouble, i was trying to be THERE but i was the only one doing so... the only one travelling, calling, helping, etc... they called me " soldier " because i'm known as the strongest of all the people around me, so... they thought i was ok 24/7. After all soldiers don't complain, they're strong, they just do what they gotta do...
If feels just like a beatdown but it's my feelings that are being hurt, not my body... when i'm the one who gives but never gets back, who always calls, who can take an 8hrs flight for 3 days in Paris...i always thought " i'm not crazy ! those things HAVE to be done, if nobody else does it, then thats their lives but personnally im doing what i should do "
ok, i was CRAZY, i was COMPLETELY out of my mind.
I guess i was trying to compensate because i was studying HARD to maintain a 3.5+ GPA and my love life ( or lack of ) at times was... depressing.
But all those trips made me more and more exhausted, all those gifts made people think they didnt have to do anything to keep our relationship strong, all those calls were wasting my precious time... if i hadnt done all those things, i would have had more energy, more time to study, more money to take care of myself, and i wouldnt have never expected anybody to do anything for me... but i guess it was necessary for me to go through all that mess to REALLY understand certain things...
It struck me HARD, lightning couldnt have done better... i dont even recognize myself these days... I just go out when the mood, the people, the place, the time of the day, and the day of month, the weather, the finances,... when every single thing is perfect to me !
It just comes naturally, i like people if i like them... lol and that's just life, all the others ? they dont exist anymore ! i go out when i feel like going out, call when i feel like calling, social " obligations " dont exist anymore, sacrifices too ( i aint got kids yet and im already making sacrifices for people ? ),...
The result ? My finances are better, my classes seem easier, my schedule is crazy but as long as i do what i'm supposed
to, everything works out pretty fine...Lord, thank you for allowing all those people to hurt me and disappoint me, really, it was a very necessary experience, it teached me an excellent lesson that i'm happy i learned without having to make terrible mistakes.
Remember back in August ( when i realized all of the above ), i said " i'll grow from this " but i was so devasted i couldnt give any details, well i did, and i'm proud of myself.
Thank you for allowing me to meet better people now, if i had met them before i " grew ", we wouldnt have made it past the first minutes of a conversation, they would have never been " cool " enough for me, what a fool i was...
French expression of the day : " Trop bon trop con "
» If you're too good to people, you'll be taken for a fool "
posted by Soldier at 12:10 a.m.
8 Comments:
My brother, you are an extraordinary person. I'm happy to call you my friend. This post is about growth. Please continue to learn from your experiences. I have no doubt that you are destine to great success. Let me find out my baby boy is growing up!
Nice blog. I was just talking about the same issues you wrote about. There are times in our lives where we should do for others. Then, there are also times when we must think of ourselves, exclusively. We have our own achievements to try to accomplish--and we must put ourselves first. Afterall--who will look after us, if we don't?
Unfortunately people do take kindness for weakness & basically try to take advantage. It's amazing how a person can always be there for someone but the minute you need a shoulder to lean on, they're always busy with something else.
wow man ... i hear ya! i used to be like that as well.
now people call me selfish, self absorbed and uniterested. actually, i am just learning to do and care for me more.
i admit i still have some people in my life who are drains and abusive, however i know and recognize it and do not allow it to bother me as much.
(i have done a lot of sharing on the honest and open level lately, what is that all about?)
anyway, congrats man on your discover. you are right, it takes us to go through a lot of pain before we can grow, rise, learn and become better people.
great post- reciprocity is extremely important ... some people didnt get that memo when God handed out emotions!
Damn, sometimes you have to go through this shit to find the real you. Nice blog!
KD
Merci beaucoup por le francais. Je voudrais appendre plus du langue. You can't be everything to everyone. It took me time to learn that too. But I, too am really glad that I went through that because its just preparation for the drama that I'm currently enduring. And that drama will be further preparation for what will happen in the future. It took me years to see it like that.
I have been looking for sites like this for a long time. Thank you! »
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